(Baile de Tarta, Danse de la Tarte, Dance of Pie)
Tess cast arm to snuggle hubby. Cast came up empty. She felt around sheets, half asleep squeaked, "Not again, how many nights in a row does this make? It's like trying to sleep with a foraging possum."
Tess flipped to her back. Eyes opened.
"Night before last I walk into the kitchen and there he is, head stuck in the refrigerator and he says, 'I have watched the sun come up in the east all my life, til this morning it came up in the west.' I just shook my head and gently prodded him, 'Those refrigerator magnets have warped your inner compass, Ted. It's twelve midnight. That is the refrigerator light bulb, not the sun!"
"No way he could possibly top that, right? I mean like no stinking way! Au contraire, Tess beware. Last night I flip on the kitchen light and... there he is! So of course I roll my eyes and gently admonish, 'Alone eating cake in the dark, how sad.' And he looks up at me with those beady little possum eyes and speaks perfect nonsense, 'Hey it's pear cake. Fruit be healthy. Plus I'm licking off the icing, so as not to eat it.' I could not make this stuff up, if my life didn't depend on it." Tess chuckled.
"Lord give me strength to be thankful. At least I know where he is," Tess sighed. "Actually I can not wait to see what my marauding marsupial is consuming tonight." She rose out of bed and tippy toe toed down dark hallway to the light. She paused in shadow of kitchen door and cast an ear...
"Awash in a sea of food, and not a bite to eat," Ted whispered dry tide of hunger.
Cast in green boxers and rumpled royal blue tee, a not so fresh from the midnight bed, tangle haired Ted, whined mid kitchen, as he opened yet another cupboard. "Corn muffin mix, corn bread mix, classic madeleine mix, corn starch, mac and cheese, ravioli, penne, linguini, angel hair spaghetti, and box after box of near every other foreign and domestic pasta know to woman kind."
With low blood sugar induced frown, Ted closed cupboard, opened the next. A box fell out, rebounded off his nose into hands. "Booby trapped by a two pound box of not so instant, instant potatoes! What else is in here waiting to attack? Oh yuk, chicken broth and beef broth in waxen boxes, how safe to eat is that and who would want to, followed by disarray of cake mixes galore, never seen so many fudge and brownie mixes in my life, stevia, agave, sugar, powdered sugar, brown sugar, and that's just the front row. Why does Tess buy so much food that needs boiling, baking or otherwise not ready to eat eats? A growing boy needs packaged readiness to survive."
Bathed in wings of shadow, one sneaky Tess snickered, "Poor helpless baby, talking to himself again, and my oh my how my little ears burn."
"I need a cookie. Make that cookies plural. Chocolate chip cookies!" Ted wiped saliva from chin with back of wrist, whined the more, "A cookie, a cookie, just one miserably delicious cookie! Come to Papa!" Tide of hunger gurgled roar.
From shadows, snickers threatened rain of laughter. Tess clamped hand over mouth, thumb over nose.
"Now I know," near epiphany rumbled, "I know that hording wife of mine loves her chocolate. Where, I say where is my little squirrel stashing her acorns?" Ted under breath pondered.
Like a squirrel, Tess nose twitched alert.
"Somewhere a cookie lurks. Now if I was Tess where would those chocolate acorns be?" Ted opened lower cabinet.
"Not even close." Tess breathed relief.
Ted went down the line, left no cabinet unopened.
Tess confidence soared, her secret stash unexplored.
"Hmmm, maybe the," Ted laid hand on refrigerator door handle.
Tess whispered, "So cold, no way Ted boy."
"Naw," Ted rethought, "not the frig, too obvious, but if I was my cunning little wife," Ted turned to opposite side of kitchen, "the butcher block drawer?"
"Wrong again, possum boy," Tess breathed relief, but realized the area hubby had not yet foraged steadily grew smaller.
"Not here, but near, somewhere near, something seldom used, something broken?" Ted amped up his antiquated CRT wire frayed brain til epiphany smoked, "The broken toaster oven!"
"Oh crud!" Tess meant ever word.
Ted opened toaster oven door, extracted bag of cookie heaven.
Tess rushed him from behind, grabbed at bag, missed, then desperately pled in Ted ear, "What do you want more, one cold cookie or one hot cookie wife?"
Ted took bite of cookie.
"Ted!!"
Ted stuffed rest of cookie in mouth, "It's chocolate chip!!" He mumbled inadequate defense.
Tess bit his ear.
"Yelp!"
"Release the cookies!" Tess hissed thru teeth clamped on ear.
"Never!!" Ted stuffed two more in.
"Give me," Tess rode his back, "those," she grabbed over his shoulder, "COOKIES!!" She snagged cookie bag.
Ted held tight. Bag ripped, cloud of cookies rained.
Tess screamed.
Ted slipped on a cookie.
Both plummeted to black and white kitchen tile floor.
The entangled two almost caught breath before the giggles set in. Giggles short lived, for Ted reached for cookie a floor.
"Really Ted." Tess wondered, tried to pout, let out giggle instead.
Ted put cookie tween teeth.
"You..."
Ted teeth wiggled cookie to tempt tease Tess.
Amid giggles Tess nibbled her way to lips a bliss.
"No more forever squabbling over cookies." Ted promised tween cookie kisses.
"The sweet things of this life are meant to be shared." Tess kissy peck agreed.
"How bout sharing a pie?" Ted had that foraging possum look.
Pie, pie! We ain't got no stinking pie," Tess chuckled.
"Yes we do, twenty-four hours a day."
"The House Of Tarts!"
"Tween Alabama and Main."
"Three blocks over on Kirby Drive."
One short midnight run later, back at kitchen island, Ted pirated command, "Siri, play us a merengue medley."
"Why do we ever quarrel like squirrels over a nut, when there is pie to be had?" Sweet lemon meringue danced on Tess tongue.
"Cause at times my little squirrel is a nut." Ted licked lemon meringue from Tess giggling lips.
And lo, so it was so, round kitchen island, mid midnight Latin merengue sway, Tess and Ted shared fresh coconut encrusted crust, lemon meringue pie, and danced besos, besas, besos merengue maringue, besas, besos, besas dolce melangue.
"When handed a lemon meringue pie, why slip on a cookie." Tess lips cast giggle in Ted ear.
Epilogue:
LOVE ONE ANOTHER... and stop fussing over the cookies... or if you are a squirrel, acorns...
Seems Jesus said something about that, "A new commandment I give unto you. That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another." John 13:34 KJV
What did Jesus mean by, "...as I have loved You?" I encourage you to read the book of John in The Holy Bible and attend a welcoming Christian church to learn more about loving.
There are over 435 verses in the Bible about love.
