"Too often seldom is life a self-cleaning oven," Ashley whined.
With lashes a flutter the eyes of Pepa rolled to the back of her skull. "If I wasn't driving, I'd put fingers in both ears," she moaned in her mind, rolled eyes to road, said, "Oh Ashley, if your kitchen needs spiffing up, just say so. I can help." On the way back from the mall Pepa concentrated on not audibly grinding teeth after three non-stop whiney hours.
"Not the point," Ashley groaned.
"Oh, you mean like: how many dreams does it take to make a lifetime?" Pepa tried to upbeat metaphors, too late realizing the error of choice.
"My life is no dream!" Ashley barked.
"Why can you not just lighten up?" Pepa pleaded.
"Go with the flow?" Ashley nasalfied reply, as only Ashley could.
"At least flow," Pepa wasn't kidding.
"Flow? Flow! I don't flow because too often seldom any dream I ever had ended up in anything but flames. That's why I don't flow!" Ashley tiraded.
"Ashley Anne Pule, you know that is not true!" Pepa teetered on cheerleader gone rogue.
"Nooo!" Extreme nasalification had returned. "Nooooooo! Well I wish my brain was a computer, then you could just flip thru each file of failure." The smug smile of the ungrateful ungraced the face of Ashley.
"Surely some, at least one of your life dreams must have come true," Pepa took one more stab at pepper-upper, as she steered SUV into Ashley's driveway of doom.
"Well, I must admit you got me there, Pepa. Yes, some of my dreams have come true... if you count nightmares!" A strange sense of self-satisfaction radiated from Ashley's face.
Pepa laid head on hands on steering wheel. Slowly her head rose. Her wide teeth bearing grin and crazy eyes startled Ashley.
"That's it!" Pepa seethed.
"Pepa, you are frightening me." Ashley was not kidding.
The fangs of Pepa spit venom, "You think you are the only one? The only one who too often seldom rises any higher than a snakes belly in a wagon rut!"
"Sorry," Ashley gasped, morphed to tears, then full blown sobbing.
"Great," Pepa pounded forehead into the back of her hands on steering wheel, repeated, "just great!"
Ashley sobbed. She sobbed really good; sobbed like the pro she was, then sobbed some more; cranked up the volume along the way, managed to slobber out, "Too... too often seldom does anybody ever love me..." Tears without levee flooded.
Head on steering wheel, Pepa reached for and pulled door latch. She slid feet out door onto that driveway of doom. Round the SUV to passenger door, Pepa walked the fine line between strangulating or hugging Ashley. Pepa opened the crying door, put hands round Ashley's throat, with thumbs under chin she tilted Ashley's face up to hers... and softly asked, "Everybody hates you?"
"Yes," Ashley sobbed.
"Nobody likes you?" Pepa asked.
"No... nobody," Ashley bawled.
"Only one thing to do," Pepa nodded.
"Yes," Ashley slowed to mid weep, nodded too.
"Only one thing we can do," the gentle fingers of Pepa wiped tears from the cheeks of Ashley.
"Only one thing," Ashley punctuated too often seldom ray of hope with sniffle.
"Come on," Pepa helped Ashley out of seat... "Come on Sweetie..." Pepa soothed. Arms round friend she helped her to home's door... And over threshold into dark room they passed...
The lights flashed... Joyful voices sang, "Nobody likes you, everybody hates you, your gonna eat some wor-er-erms... Big fat juicy ones, itsy bitsy squishy ones, see how they wiggle and squir-ir-irm..."
The eyes of Ashley filled with an enormous chocolate cake in the shape of a bucket; and out of that open bucket forty gummy worms squirmed; and on its side in white frosting were iced the numbers 4 and 0... as well as the letters EAT WORMS ASHLEY...
...And the ashes of too often seldom... were washed away gone...
Sometimes folks murmur in the wilderness for 40 years before they see the promised land... See they were loved all along... Be a friend... Lead someone to Jesus today... John 15:12-17
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